Life happens

ive learned that when people hurt me or make me angry and I dwell on it,

i am giving them power over me.

when i can ignore and not let those things affect me,
it can be the most amazing feeling of freedom.

i also have realized that happiness is a choice.
i dont need anything to make me happy.

i can choose to live JOYFULLY in HIM.

A Carnival Birthday Party

The Birthday Girl!!!!!!
The Food

The Clowns

Games

The Kids loved the ball pit (especially Jayce :)

Cake YUM

I LOVE my mom! She had SO much fun planning this party...she researches, plans and gets awesome bargains. She loves throwing a good party. We had a blast celebrating Audrey's 2nd Birthday!

Happy Birthday sweet girl! We love you!

6 month stats a month late

Weight: 18lbs 13 ounces 54%
Height: 28.5inches 90%
Heed: 75-90%

Had Jayce's appointment today. We got there early which never happens. We got the stats, saw his doctor and got shots. He did awesome. Didn't even cry when they gave him the shots. I have always HATED shots. It just breaks my mama heart every time. The first two went in and he didn't even flinch. When the third one went in, he got the look, like he was going to scream and cry. He didn't though. Found out that he had double ear infections. Poor baby gave me NO signs. He had been eating and sleeping well and wasn't fussy any more than normal. I felt bad. I had chronic ear infections and I remember them being very painful.
I thought for sure that Jayce was going to be a lot bigger than Gabe since he was a preemie. I was wrong they were about the same.

We started solids at the end of Dec. I can't shovel in the food fast enough. He screams at me if I'm not. He is a little piggy and a CUTE piggy at that. He talks while taking every bite. Sticking out his tongue and saying "hmmmm"

Hard is good

I have a lot of thoughts and need a place to put them all down.

Lately, I have been having a lot of conversations with Bryan about our kids. About discipline. About our days. About me as their mother.
A few confessions:
I really never thought about how hard the transition from one to two kids was going to be. It's been hard!
I've been angry lately. Little things set me off like dropping my keys as we're trying to leave and I need to lock the door...REALLY?!?!
I've been feeling like a horrible mother. Like maybe I don't deserve to be these precious gifts mother.

I went to Sacred Space back in January. I had had one of those weeks with Gabe and was feeling like I wasn't doing a very good job. I read through John 15 and got to verse 16. The only thing I saw in that verse was "I CHOOSE YOU!"
EXACTLY what I needed at that very moment. Thank you Father!

I have learned a lot about myself these last 6 months. The biggest and most important thing is that being the best at something is never easy. What I mean is becoming an amazing mother is a lot of work for years and years and years... Being a good mom takes A LOT of work. I am not a perfect Mom, but because I try I can be a great Mom .

I continually feel like I'm in one of those dreams where you are trying your darnedest to RUN but you just can't seem to make your legs work.
I have at all times nine loads of laundry to be washed.
My bathroom floor (which is white) has black dog hair on it no matter how many times a day I sweep it.
My house definitely could be cleaner...and I don't mean like things picked up. I am pretty good at not having a lot of clutter. I mean things could be dusted more, wiped down more etc.

All these things bug me and embarrass me and make me feel just horrible sometimes. I read something and I realized that while my days are absolutely exhausting and overwhelming at times, and while I feel like I can't keep up, I can still be an incredible Mom because I keep doing it and I'M the one doing it. My perfection comes in my imperfection. I'm doing EXACTLY what I should be doing. Exactly what the Heavenly Father wants me to be doing. I don't think he cares so much about my embarrassments. So much as if I'm taking care of "his" children.

It's so easy for me to get down on myself. It's easy to slip into feeling frustrated because I feel like I can't quite keep up, especially when I compare myself to others who seem to be able to run circles around me.
BUT, I'm going to keep at it. I'm going to keep being "the mom," through thick and through thin.

Yes, sometimes I make mistakes. I forget things. I agree to add too much to our plates at the expense of our family at times. I make bad decisions. I don't think things through enough sometimes and maybe I don't handle situations in the best way.

But I'm trying to be deliberate about how I mother, and when I get knocked down and frustrated, I'm going to keep getting right back up.

Because you know what that means? I get to be there with my children. The ones who call me "Mommy" and who quickly forgive me my imperfections (which is great, because I have a lot of them).

Yes, I'm the one who gets to be there with them each day. And I love that.

Now the other thing...Money. UGH
I have not been having a good week. We are still SO tight in our finances. In fact we don't really have anything after paying bills and Bryan doesn't get paid till next week. This morning I felt hopeless and SO tired. My faith is weak and I need the Lord's strength to go on.

I get these little devotionals in my email which I don't tend to read everyday, but try. Today's was perfect for how I've been feeling.

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry" (Psalm 40:1).

1. Wait. The psalmist simply says, "I waited." Waiting is not passive. Waiting is meant to be a time of preparation, a time of rest and healing,

• To wait means to accept the pit. Isaiah 45:3 (NIV) "I will give you hidden treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."

Any time "LORD" is capitalized in Scripture, it means "Abba Father." This verse indicates that our Father has gone before us and in every dark moment or painful circumstance has buried a treasure or stored a secret. The only way we can find the treasure or learn the secret is to pass through that darkness. Some things cannot be learned in the light. To wait means to accept the pit, knowing it is for our good.

• To wait means to admit there is a problem. Isaiah 40:29 (NLT) "He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak."

• To wait means to be still. Psalm 40:1 "I waited ..." To wait means to hope in and look for someone or something who will rescue us.

  So much about God can never be known on the run. I was so wrapped up in serving God that I had failed to be wrapped up in Him. During those two years in the pit, I not only gave up every role of leadership, there were many times when I could not even attend church because of panic attacks. God taught me an important truth. He is more concerned with who I am than what I do. No one can take my place in His heart.

2. Be patient. David said, "I waited patiently for the Lord." The word "patiently" means "without tiring and with perseverance." It took me many years to hit rock bottom. It took me two years to climb out of that pit and I am still climbing. Yes, I still battle depression from time to time. Depression keeps me broken and on my face before God - and that is a good thing.

Depression may not be the problem you are facing, but at some point in life, we will all face some kind of pit. It may be a pit that we have dug with our own hands of wrong choices or it could be a pit that has been uniquely designed for us by the enemy. But a pit is a pit - a place of paralyzing fear and numbing doubt that is constantly fed by our human frailty and desperate attempts to escape the darkness.

The good news is that God is drawn to broken people. Psalm 40:1 says "He turned to me." Notice it does not say that David turned to God. Honestly, I doubt David had the strength to turn to God ... so God turned to him. God heard the cry of David and he will hear yours. I don't know if you are in a pit and need help or if someone you love is in that pit and needs your help, but one thing I do know is that the purpose of the pit is to purify and then restore. Right now, surrender the broken pieces of your life to God. He can and will bring you out of the dark.

Father, I am so tired. I can't hear Your voice or sense Your presence in my life. My faith is weak and I need Your strength to go on. Right now, I am laying the broken pieces of my life at Your feet and counting on You to come through for me.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

In the Night Garden

I thought Yo Gabba Gabba! was weird. We've been watching a little bit of the preschool shows on The Hub and came across the show In the Night Garden. Gabe LOVES it.
One morning he was asking me over and over again for the Igglepiggle show...for the life of me I had NO clue what he was talking about. Finally, figured out he was talking about In the Night Garden.
This show is WEIRD IMO.

They have funny names:

Igglepiggle

Igglepiggle is bouncy and curious and shy. He sails into the Night Garden every day and sails away each night. He has a very special red blanket. He carries it wherever he goes, and he uses it as a sail for his boat. Igglepiggle is also very special. He has a bell in his foot, a squeak in his middle, and a rattle in his hand. He's a one-teddy band! His best friend is Upsy Daisy.

Upsy Daisy

Upsy Daisy is a happy little doll. She loves to dance and skip and sing. She wears a pretty tutu, and her tummy chime tinkles everywhere she goes. She likes to hug and kiss her friends. Upsy Daisy has a special bed that can move around the garden. Sometimes it is naughty and runs away, and Upsy Daisy has to catch it. You can hear her say, "Upsy Daisy! Daisy doo! Pip pip onk onk!"

Makka Pakka

Makka Pakka lives in a cave at the edge of the garden. He loves to collect and wash stones. He is very tidy. He likes to clean everything. Even his friends! After he cleans things, he dries them with his Uff-Uff. He carries his Uff-Uff, his Agga Pang (his soap and sponge), and his Hum Dum (his trumpet) in his cart called the Og-Pog. When he's happy he says, "Mikka makka moo."

Then there are the three Tombliboos
Tombliboo: Eee
Tombliboo: Unn
Tombliboo: Ooo

Bryan is an Old Man

Happy Birthday to my BFF. He is 35 and that is basically pushing 40 in my mind. :)

35 things I love about Bryan (in no particular order):

1. He falls asleep REALLY fast. The second his head hits the pillow but tries as hard as he can to stay awake and listen to my nightly monologue.
2. He is a supportive husband- he listens to me a lot. I know it must be difficult but he cares- I can tell and I'm thankful.
3. He's happy- it takes a lot to get him sad or mad.
4. He loves to have his head and back rubbed.
5. He loves Mt Dew
   
6. He has a hard time driving well and talking at the same time He's gotten better at this over the years. There used to be times where we'd pass the turn because he was talking instead of paying attention.
   
7. He stops at the grocery store for me
8. He goes to work every morning and brings home the bacon for us
9. He searches for missing items in the garage that I need
10. He forgives
11. He gets up early
12. He tells me I'm pretty when I'm not
13. He gets excited over eating junk food with me.
14. He plays with the kids.
15. He loves Egg nog.
16. He gives me back rubs A LOT. Even when he is dead tired.
17. He rarely complains.
18. He thinks the best of people.
19. He likes to draw and is VERY good at it.
    
20. He can talk your ear off
21. He LOVES comics
22. He likes to take long naps but rarely gets them and rarely complains about it.
23. He loves music
24. He loves to snowboard and I hope that I can get the hang of it so we can take family snowboarding trips someday.
    
25. He picks up the doggy doodoo
    
26. He loves Video Games
27. He helps around the house a TON
28. He wrestles and tickles his boys
    
29. He gives lots of kisses to me and the boys
30. He's cute
31. He cries at anything that has to do with Loyalty
    
32. He will get/help me with things over and over and over again. Even if he's just sat down. I think I'm a pretty annoying wife and I'm glad he likes me anyway.
33. When he's home he helps with bath and bedtime routine and I love that we work well together.
34. He helps fold and put the laundry
35. I can make him smile even when he's really mad at me.

I'm glad that I have you to experience the sweet moments of life.

i love you

Mexican Stuffed Pasta Shells

Had this for dinner tonight
YUMMMMMMMY

12	uncooked jumbo pasta shells
1	medium onion, finely chopped
1	pound lean ground beef
1 1/2	teaspoons chili powder
1	package (3 ounces) cream cheese
3/4	cup taco sauce
1	cup shredded Colby-Monterey Jack cheese (4 ounces)
1/2	cup crushed corn chips
4	green onions, sliced
1/2	cup sour cream

1. Heat oven to 350° F. Spray 9-inch square baking dish with cooking spray. Cook and drain pasta shells as directed on package.
2. In 10-inch skillet, cook ground beef and onion over medium-high heat 5 to 6 minutes, stirring occasionally, until beef is brown; drain.
3. Stir chili powder, cream cheese and 1/4 cup of the taco sauce into the beef mixture. Heat over medium-low heat 2 to 3 minutes, stirring occasionally, until cheese is melted. Remove from heat.
4. Fill pasta shells with beef mixture, using about 2 tablespoons for each shell. Place filled shells in dish. Pour remaining taco sauce over shells.
5. Cover; bake 20 minutes. Remove dish from oven; uncover. Sprinkle cheese and corn chips over shells. Bake about 10 minutes longer or until cheese is melted. Garnish pasta shells with sour cream and green onions.

Gabey/Grandma Date Night

My mom and Gabe had a much needed date night tonight.
Sunny Hans for dinner.
He had Noodles. With chopsticks.
Talked Grandma's ear off.
Boarders.
Read lots of books.
Home with a Star wars sticker book and a Batman book.
Lots of fun.
Thanks Gama!!

Time flies

He's:

- Smiling like crazy... with his mouth, his eyes, his nose, his forehead (he has this indent in the shape of a V at his hairline). EVERYTHING on Jayce smiles when he smiles... I love it.
- Always making noise: humming, giggling, gasping, screaming, bababaing, doing that funny sucking in thing while he smiles... like a form of laugh.
- Spending a lot of time in the Jumperoo. LOVES to jump just like his brother.
- Always trying to get something in his mouth.
- Loving his big brother. Gabe can make him smile and laugh doing just about anything silly or hugging him. They really are "playing" (if you can call it that when it involves a 6 month old) now, at least interacting and keeping each other company. Especially in the car. Gabe does silly things and Jayce laughs. I'm LOVING it.
- Still spitting up and drooling like crazy.
- Still sleeping pretty good at night. He'll go down about 8pm but he's up early between 3 and 4am, but then goes back down until 8ish. He takes 2 pretty good naps.
- Legs shaking at all times. This little guy doesn't ever stop moving.
- Can pretty much sit up on his own. He'll be sitting playing with his toys and then start tumbling over in slow motion.
- Lights up when Bryan comes home and tries to jump out of my arms to get to him...gets in his arms and then immediately turns around for me again
- No teeth yet
- Distracted while nursing. we'll be nursing along and then one noise in the background, and bam. he's pulled off and staring around the room frantically. Especially if big brother is talking and or is near.
- Thinks Calie girl is hilarious.
- Rolls and scoots everywhere. set him down in one spot and find him 10 feet away a few minutes later.
- He's brought so much joy into our family. It's amazing how babies can do that. Almost daily, Gabe says, "I love Jayce."




Six months really is SO fun. You just can't find much to be bummed out over when you've got a chubby, little, blue-eyed, cutie grinning at you most the day. We all LOVE him!

Things I never want to forget #24-#28

24. Gabe-isms:
Obie One Kenobi - Kobe Nobe
R2D2 - Arty D2
Something - sumpin
Thirsty - fursty

25. The boys and I were at my mom and dads for dinner. Mom and dad came home from a meeting and my mom was crying. I don't know about Jaden, but Gabe has never seen my mom cry. They both were SO concerned. Gabe walked up to her and asked her why she was upset and Jaden went upstairs to get his Lamby for her. It was the sweetest thing ever. Grandma is so loved.

26. We were on our way to the New Years Eve hockey game and dad asked me if I had the cash for parking. Gabe said "NO mama doesn't have any gas!"

27. Gabe has started laughing with a snort. It's on purpose but pretty darn funny.

28. Jayce is sitting on his own. Big boy!

Our FAVORITE time of the day...

...when daddy gets home!
Seriously, the house goes NUTS when Bryan walks in the door. Gabe and Calie in a race to see who will get to him first. Even Jayce smiles and squeals when Bryan says hi to him.

Random pictures

Thankful

I believe that the more thankful you are in life, the happier you are.

Thankfulness=Happiness.

When gratitude seeps into your heart the worry and stress start to dissipate.

I have a confession to make, this year I haven't been very thankful/grateful...everything seems to be crashing down around us right now and I have been downright cranky this Thanksgiving weekend.
I looked back at my Thanksgiving post last year and it was a GREAT reminder for me:

I read a verse the other day that I've been mulling over:

"And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else. Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Thessalonians 5:14-18

In All circumstances...

Learning to be thankful - even when I cannot see, hear or understand what God is doing or how He is working - is authentic thanksgiving and the direct result of a living, active and personal faith in God. We often hear that we need more faith in order to be more thankful. I don't think so! We operate in faith every single day. We flip a switch believing in faith that light will appear. We turn a key believing in faith that a car will start. We even go to a doctor we hardly know who scribbles an impossible - to - read prescription which we promptly take to a pharmacist we have never seen. This unknown druggist proceeds to fill the prescription, giving us a medicine with a name we cannot even pronounce. And we take it - all in blind faith!

I believe that instead of pleading for more faith, we need to exercise the faith we already possess. As we continually step out in faith, not only will that faith grow stronger, but we will begin to trust God more, naturally developing an attitude of thanks. Faith does not believe that God can or will act. Faith believes that God is answering as we pray. And that truth, will send us to our knees in praise and thanksgiving.

So, today I am choosing to change my attitude and be thankful for a loving God and choose to realize how very blessed we are. And I am thankful.

I'm so, so, so grateful that this man is the father of my children:

I am thankful for Bryan's job at Nike and that he was able to have 5 days off with us.

I am thankful for my family:
I'm thankful for moments like this morning when I asked Gabe if he could help me out and get my pumpkin bread since I was feeding Jayce and he said "Sure Mommy I can do that for you I have strong arms" then when I said "Thank you Gabe" he looked at me with so much love and said "no problem Mommy!"

I love when Jayce looks at me and grins like this and I feel like he's in LOVE with me. Like he doesn't see a single flaw yet.
I am SO thankful that God chose me to be Gabriel's and Jayce's mother...that I get to stay home with them, and feel the trials and the JOY that come with that every day.

I am thankful for my little Bible study group and for the inspiration and encouragement I get from those 3 ladies/friends

I am thankful for my parents... parents who love me and want the best for me. They have taught me which sources and tools to use to over come challenges in this life. They are good examples of living what they teach.

My list could go on & on! I have so many wonderful things to be thankful for, especially @ this time of year. We have been blessed beyond measure. I just need to do "my part" in showing gratitude for the many blessings that I have been given.

Thanksgiving Day was a good day! We had SO much good food...
Nathan made this AMAZING homemade salsa
We had Ham and Turkey
YUMMY baked mashed potatoes
Stuffing and gravy
Kings Hawaiian sweet rolls (our favorite)
Brown sugar cooked carrots
mmmmm it's making me hungry right now. :)

Mom put together a thanksgiving scavenger hunt for the kids and we did a pine cone hunt much like an Easter egg hunt.

Us adults did an Affirming you paper. We circled all the words or phrases we believe to be true about that person. Then write and share your top 5 you think best describe them. I had my dad.

Some of my favorite moments:

• The kids all piling on Bryan
• Jayce telling Aunt Janell what for and trying to bite her
• Gabe and Jaden playing with phones under the table
• Jayce and Daddy had a nap

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Things I never want to forget #19-#23

19. Jayce rolled over from tummy to back on Oct. 12th. and from back to tummy on Dec. 3rd.

20. After praying at bed time Gabe said he was scared of the dark (which was a little weird. Never has bothered him before). Bryan told him that he can pray to Jesus and ask Him to help him not be scared of the dark. Gabe responded "BUT He's SO far awayyyyyy" Bryan said "No He's in our hearts." in which Gabe looked down at his chest concerned and said "I don't want Him in my heart I want to get Him out!" How do you explain to a 3.5 yr old that He's not actually PHYSICALLY in his heart. So Bryan just said "well He's here with us always and you can pray to him anytime".

21. During Sunday school class Julie was teaching and they all sat down on their carpet scares. Julie said to the class "Ok class we have a new helper today, can you all say Hi to Pam?" Everyone said quietly "Hi Pam!" Gabe said more loudly "HI HAMMMMMM" Gabe thinking "NO wait that's my Grandma!"

22. I absolutely LOVE that Jayce sits and stares with his mouth open. Even if there is a ton of drool pouring out. :)

23. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the smell of baby breath! I wish I could bottle it up.

Chores

Gabe LOVES to play video games. Shocking I know. He comes by it honestly, obviously...if you know us you know that Bryan is a video game lover.

Today we started chores and I showed Gabe his chore chart. This is actually new to us because Gabe is still young, but I do believe that starting children young with some housework is a great way for them to learn many life skills. Plus, they feel great when they achieve their tasks and let's face it, it helps me out. lol!

I feel that playing video games is a privilege that he needs to earn SO...
...the chores we’ve started with are:

• help make bed
• feed Calie
  
• take dishes to the kitchen (after breakfast, lunch, and dinner), and
• pick up toys (before bed time)

When he accomplishes a task, he gets a sticker in the alloted square for that day. At the end of the day, we count up the stickers. For every sticker, he gets a 5 mins of game playing time.

He was pretty excited about it this morning. We shall see if that will continue.

Action Sports Just Do It design contest

My man won a T-shirt design competition at Nike! 4 of the designs he sketched up during his 2 hour ride home on the max. AH YEAH SO proud of him!!
Prize - ALL new Nike snowboarding gear equaling:

• snowboard
• boots
  
• bindings
  
• jacket and pants

They liked them so much that they wanted a couple of them adjusted for skate and surf too and I got hooked up with gear as well. Guess Bryan will have to teach me how to snowboard. :)

Here are the designs:

I LOVE THESE BOYS!

Has it really been 4 months already???

4 month stats:

Weight: 15.1 (50%)
Height: 25.5 (75%)
Heed: 75%


He is getting so big and fun to interact with, he loves to coo and smile, he is rolling over (from tummy to back only) grabbing/batting his toys constantly and giggling when you tickle him. He is at such a fun stage right now - I love it!
The only thing is I feel like it's going TOO fast...it went way slower with Gabe...seemed like he was small forever...maybe because he was a preemie...I don't know, but it's making me want another one. lol

*EDITED*

I think that we've made it...made it past "the stage". You know the stage where all he does is scream, only mommy can sooth, both Bryan and my mom are scared out of their wits to be alone with him stage.
I feel so painfully aware, this time around, of how quickly he's passing through each magical stage. If only we could bottle them all and pull them out when we've got two raging toddlers and are in desperate need of some newborn nuzzles and noises. "Yes, today I'd prefer a little bit of the sweet smelling poopoo and spit-up, (I know I'm weird but when they're little, I like it all) yes, maybe a little spray of some of that bubble blowing discovery (you know where their tongue is out and they learn to spit at you and they're amazed at themselves), or a little peek at that determined shaky face trying to get fist to mouth to suck and drool, maybe even a bottle of the drool. I'd like a little bit of baby-neck scent, some of kissing-the-chubbiest-cheeks-you've ever kissed, and a bottle of that look. The one where he stares at me with such intensity and then grins the happiest smile you've ever seen. As if to say he's perfectly and completely happy to be my baby boy. And I feel like he's in LOVE with me. Like he doesn't see a single flaw yet. YET. The feeling's mutual."

He stopped sleeping through the night. He'll give me a 6 hour or 7 hour night every few weeks and that feels like heaven on earth. SO different from Gabe...Gabe slept through the night and never stopped. This too shall pass...I HOPE! :)

The Dentist

Remember Gabe's 1st dentist appointment? I DO!!!

Gabe's 2nd dentist appointment was today. I took Jayce to my mom and we were off. My stomach was in knots the whole way there. I even texted Bryan and asked him to pray. I was preparing myself for the worst because I didn't the 1st time. We started talking to him about it a couple days before and YEP I told him that he could have candy if he did good. lol

OH my what a difference from last time. He was EXCELLENT! He sat real still during pictures, wore the glasses and opened up nice and wide for them. PHEW!

Halloween

Oh man I love Halloween. All these people dressing up...I love all the creativity. I wish I were one of those cool moms who dress up. Maybe next year...

We have taken the kiddos to the Troutdale Outlet Mall the last 2 years and although the rest of the fam did it again this year, we opted to go home after church, have lunch, get the boys good naps and Bryan and I cleaned up the house.

This is my favorite picture:
The others...

Trick or Treating...Random and funny Gabey Halloween quotes:

• After trick or treating at a house he let out a gleeful laugh and said "I LOVE HALLLLOWEEEEN!!!"
• A boy was dressed up as Darth Vader and at the same house we were. Gabe looked up at him and said "YOU'RE Darth Vader" shook his hand and said "It's nice to meet you"
• Told a boy dressed up as Jason from Friday the 13th the he loved him