Working again

This last week has been very hard! I worked PT my first week back to work. I'm glad that I did that, but it was sort of just a tease, you know. I worked in the morning, was home by 1 and got to spend the rest of the evening with my little guy. I wish that I could just work PT...well, I take that back I wish I didn't have to work at all, but since I do it would be great if I only had to work PT. NO such luck. Yesterday was my first full day of work. Bryan and I both got up at 5:45 and I got ready while he fed Gabe. They took me to work and Gabe talked the whole way there. He was in such a great mood. I just love his little voice and when he spits bubbles. It's so cute! I love him SO MUCH! I am so sad! When we got there I got out and opened the back door to give him a kiss goodbye and I started crying. They left me there to go home and I just watched them go trying to hold back my tears. THIS SUCKS! I tried to get as much quality time in with Gabe before going back, but it just doesn't seem like I got enough. He is growing so much and I don't want to miss it. I don't want someone else watching him. WHY can't I be home with my baby??? I am, however, thankful that I got to be home as long as I did.

I am no longer on the Target team that I was before I went on FMLA...I am now working with the Safeway team which is a lot smaller (a team of about 8 verses a team of 30) They have a lot of work for me so the morning flew by and I also had an admin meeting in the morning. Gabe and Bryan came down to have lunch with me so I got to see my guy for about an hour which helped and the afternoon went fast too, thankfully! I forgot how tiring working is. I am REALLY tired physically and emotionally! Thankfully Gabe is still sleeping through the night and I just love our mommy/Gabe time before he goes to bed at night. He's so sleepy and snuggly. I wouldn't trade that time for anything!!!!! When they picked me up at the park and ride I got in the back and sat with Gabe and he looked at me and gave me the hugest smile. My heart melted. I don't think I have ever loved someone this much! Well, Bryan of course, but it's different. Gabe also gave us another surprise last night...he rolled over for the first time. He HATES being on his tummy and last night he was done so he just rolled over. We all clapped and cheered. He was just looking at us with big eye's like WHAT?! HEE HEE When he went to his appointment on Monday his dr said OH he's going to roll any day now. I was so afraid that he'd do it when I wasn't with him, but nope he saved it for me. It made me so happy!

Today was a little harder for me. I was missing him so much and I just felt so depressed. I was ok busy today so the day went a little slower and when I called Bryan to see how they were doing I could hear Gabe in the background and I just wanted to ball my eye's out. I am glad that he can be with daddy BUT I WANT TO BE WITH HIM DANG IT! Plus, on top of that I was sort of feeling depressed about my job. I really do like my new team and job, but I sort of feel shafted from my other team. Seems childish I know...I don't know why I was feeling like that. Maybe because they made the change while I was gone and I wasn't there and there wasn't an announcement...I don't know?!?! Stupid.

We're still praying about a job for Bryan. It's getting kind of scary and frustrating. It's been 5 months...why won't someone hire him. He's hardworking and is good at what he does. I just don't understand?! I'm just laying it in God's hands and trying to have a peace about it and wait and see what God has for him/us/our family.
SO, right now Bryan is Mr. Mom. HA He's watching Gabe when I'm at work and doing a pretty good job of keeping up the house. No offense to him and I'm in no way saying that he's not doing a good job because he is, but I still feel like the house is a pigsty. It's been really nice to get input from Teresa because she's been here and knows what it's like. She told me that it'll probably take a few months to get into a routine and that we'll find what works for us. Then when Bryan gets a job we'll get into another routine. I hope this gets easier! {{{Praying}}}