Inspiration

This birth story is AMAZING! I bawled my eyes out reading it. I have been following her blog ever since. This women is such an inspiration and I love reading her journey with having a downs baby who is absolutely gorgeous.
In her latest post she said something that really stuck out to me.

Nella had her four month appointment yesterday.

And, amid most of the time where I honestly forget she's different, I am reminded every once and awhile. Like getting ready to go to the doctor and feeling a little flutter inside. Like what if they tell me something. Like what if they rock my world again. Like what if one of those "increased likelihoods" that happen to attach themselves to that sweet little chromosome comes true.

But, here's the thing. Once you become a parent...once you start feeling a little funny and you buy that pregnancy test...once you see a pink plus sign...once you know it's not just you anymore...well, you automatically carry around, for the rest of your life, an increased likelihood. To have your heart broken. And it's a constant fear that we struggle to put to rest.

And we can choose to be afraid or we can choose to live.

And I choose to live.

I would like to say that not being afraid comes easy to me, but it doesn't. It is a daily struggle that I have to give over to God. To choose to live and not be afraid of what life will bring.

Isaiah 12:2

Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation."

We do things around being afraid of what is going to happen.
When we trust more it doesn't become easier, but more of an adventure with God fearlessly.
We should be able to truly relax when we know WHO is in control.

Psalm 46:10

Be still, and know that I am God

32 weeks

We got pictures done. There was a special for Mother's day. Sitting fee, 1 8x10, 1 5x7 and 4 wallets for $19.
I wish that Gabe was smiling more, but alas this is my VERY stubborn 3 yr old right now. I still like it and will put it up in our bedroom when we get it.

The scan obviously didn't turn out that well.

Still can't believe that I'm at the point where I had Gabe. Can't believe that my blood pressure is doing well and how prepared we are for this little guys arrival. This will be a whole new experience for us, of course with the adjustment of having 2, but also that I may go full term and have him in the room with me and all that comes along with that. We haven't scheduled the c-section yet. Just taking it week by week.
My energy level has gone down again. I'm very tired and can't do too much without feeling like I'm going to fall over.

Bryan and I got the chance to get away for the weekend. I was hesitant to do it just because we are pretty tight on money. All in all I'm glad we did it. I think that we would have regretted it if we hadn't. We didn't go far...Beaverton/Hillsboro...lol.
We dropped Gabe off with Gamma and got an early check in at noon. We grabbed lunch and then we went to the employee store, Kohls to take something back and a few other stores. We went to Barnes and Noble...sat there and read for a while. That was very relaxing.
It was nuts over there on Saturday! I don't know if it's like that all the time over there, but everyone and their dog was out shopping. The parking lots were full, the lines were long...it felt like last minute Christmas shopping or the day after. CRAZY!
We had an early dinner and got back to the Hotel around 6:30. We had late checkout the next morning and got to sleep in. It was AWESOME!

May Play-dates

We had a few beautiful days this month and we couldn't NOT take advantage of them and be outside!
Here are a few pics from some play-dates we went on this month!

May 8th at Happy Valley Park with the Hawkins

Hot Mamas and cutie Kam

Playing Soccer with daddy

May 13th Fairview park and nature walk with my sisters and kiddos.
Gabe and Jaden are very into looking for bugs right now. They could spend hours doing it.
Contemplating the world

Walked to Target and got a yummy Icee
WIPED OUT!

Things I never want to forget #9-#13

9. Gabe and I went on a ton of movie dates at the Mt. Hood Theater matinee program. It was so much fun. We got to go to a few with Diane and Joel and the Duffy's. At one of our last dates he got to have his Skittles for a treat. When he told daddy about it he said that he got to have Skiggles.

10. Gabe was in the shower and one of the bottles was upside down. Gabe said to me "Mama, this bottle is upside down I need to turn it right side up."

11. We were driving in the truck and Gabe had hiccups. He had them the whole time we were driving. When we got to our destination he sighed and said "these hiccups are making me tired"

12. Mother's Day morning we got ready for church and were heading out the door. Bryan was putting Gabe's shoes on and he looked at me, looked down and back up at me again and said "Mommy, you have pretty lips!" I rarely wear colored lip gloss or lip stick these days and I had put some on. Made my morning for sure!!!!


13. Lately, Gabe has been saying "Ah Nuts" when I say "no" to something or he drops something. It's sounds funny coming from a 3 year old and we have NO clue where he got it from. Bryan and I never say that. lol

30 weeks

I can't believe I'm 30 weeks pregnant! At this time of the pregnancy with Gabe, I was on strict bed rest and I had Gabe at 32 weeks. Crazy to think about.

I went to the doctors today and my blood pressure wasn't good so he put me on "modified" bed rest and told me I need to slow down. I'm going every week now and this Monday coming up I'm having an ultrasound. They are going to do fetal tests on the baby and monitor very closely. Good news is I passed my glucose test! YAY! No 3 hour test this time. ((thumbs up))

Motherhood

Being a mother is hard work. Each day it seems like I am facing a new challenge whether it's getting him to eat something other than treats or chasing him through the store. Every day I am tested in a new way. But, here is where I get sappy- honestly, I know that my little guy is just trying to get me to be a good mom. He wants my attention, my direction, my example and my love and so each day he gives me the opportunity to teach him those things. In return I get to learn patients, strength, charity and love. I get to be loved wholly by this pure tiny little boy who is bursting with our Heavenly Fathers love. Nothing is better than that-the love between a mother and her baby-nothing sweeter. So, even though its hard at times, I feel so so blessed to be a mother to my Gabey-he is such a light in my life and my best friend. I can't wait until this new baby gets here and my love gets to grow yet again-expanding through my life. I love being a mom more than anything and am grateful for the things that it teaches me-the gifts it give me.

When you become a mother yourself, you finally fully realize how much your own mom did and does for you. You know why she would scold you for crawling on the sidewalk in your new red church shoes scuffing the toes off, you know why she wouldn't let you keep every puppy from the litter, you know why she wanted you to eat your dinner, you know why she would shop for herself at Ross to be able to buy you DocMartins and Roxy T-shirts, you know why she made you do your homework, you know why she wanted your help around the house and to keep your room clean, you know why she would stay up late until you got home but most of all, you know why she loves you more than she loves herself. My mom has always given everything to her kids. She has taught me so much in knowledge and through her example and love. I just hope that I can be as good of a mom to my children as she is to me. Thank you for all that you have done, do, and all that you are! Happy Mothers Day Mom!

Gabe's binkies are gone

We finally did it. I've been dreading getting rid of the binkies, but it's been much better than I expected.
After what happened at the dentist I was definitely prepared for the worst, but I think I was more upset than he was. What's funny is I didn't expect the huge wave of emotion that hit me when we put the binks in the envelope. HUGE tears just poured out! He's not my baby anymore.


The Binkie Fairy came to our house!!!

Ode to the Bink

Evening walk to the park...

...with my guys!
Seriously, nothing brings me more Joy than being with Bryan and Gabe on such an awesome evening as the sun is setting.