Waiting...

Our 6 month emergency forbearance ended. We're having to apply for the loan mod again and there have been a lot of ups and downs these last few weeks. Right now it's in for approval and so we wait and we pray.
This seriously has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. It's scary, frustrating, humbling, humiliating, suffocating etc.

Lord, I'm overwhelmed. I don't have time, patience, money, sleep, rest, or peace right now. I'm not sure what's going to happen next or how we'll get through. I feel stuck. I'm not sure how to ride the waves instead of being trampled by them. I want the best for the people I love, but stress and worry keeps me from being my best self. Help me meditate on Your truths.

'In ALL things give thanks' - 1 Thess 5:18

Be grateful for the things that feel like they will crush you. Be grateful for the challenges in life that bring you to your knees. Every time they happen, you will ripen, grow, build strength, clarity, momentum and be better prepared for the next. Repeated crashing waves eventually turn jagged edges into smooth stones.

"Sometimes we are "healed" not by being freed of suffering, but by being given the strength to endure"

'But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.' - Isaiah 40:31

'For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.' -Jeremiah 29:11-13

'But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.' -Philippians 3:13-14

'Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.' -Philippians 4:4-8

'Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.' -Proverbs 3:5-10

'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.' -Galatians 5:22

'The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.' -Lamentations 3:22-23

'Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.' -Psalm 105:4

'Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.' -Proverbs 19:21

'Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.' -Joshua 1:7-9

'Make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.' -Colossians 4:5-6

'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' -Mark 12:30

'Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.' -Proverbs 16:3

'Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!' -2 Corinthians 5:17

'In Him will I trust: He is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my Savior.' - 2 Samuel 22:3

'May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ' --Romans 15:13

I cast all my cares upon you
I lay all of my burdens down at your feet
and anytime I don't know what to do
I will cast all my cares upon you.

'A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.' -Ezekiel 4:12

'Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.' -Romans 12:12

'In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation' -Psalm 5:3-4

"Lift Me Up" - The Afters

You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

Waiting for the sunrise
Waiting for the day
Waiting for a sign
That I’m where you want me to be

You know my heart is heavy
And the hurt is deep
But when I feel like giving up
You’re reminding me
That we all fall down sometimes
But when I hit the ground

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go

You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

I know I’m not perfect
I know I make mistakes
I know that I have let you down
But you love me the same

And when I’m surrounded
When I lose my way
When I’m crying out and falling down
You are here to

Lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go

I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with your love
With your love
I don’t know what I can offer
In this moment I surrender to your love
To your love

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go

I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with your love

You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

"The River" - Brian Doerksen

To the river I am going bringing sins I cannot bear
Come and cleanse me, come forgive me Lord I need to meet you there

In these waters, healing mercy flows with freedom from despair
I am going, to that river Lord I need to meet you there

Precious Jesus, I am ready to surrender every care
Take my hand now, lead me closer Lord I need to meet you there

Come and join us, in the river Come find life beyond compare
He is calling, He is waiting Jesus longs to meet you there
He is calling, He is waiting Jesus longs to meet you there

Precious Jesus, I am ready to surrender every care
Take my hand now, lead me closer Lord I need to meet you there
Take my hand now, lead me closer Lord I need to meet you there

Things I never want to forget #35-#40

ALL JAYCE

35. Gabe and I were gone all day, May 2nd. Bryan was home with Jayce. He worked with him on turning around to go down the stairs. It's too cute for words how he crawls to the top of the stairs, goes flat on his belly and scoots around to slide down on his belly. NOW even though he does this, I by no means leave him alone...just saying. ;)

36. Jayce loves these rings. When we get down to play they are one of the first things he goes for. I never want to forget how he crawls around the house with them in his hands.



37. Bittersweet feeling. We're done nursing. He's pretty much weaned himself. He's more interested in what we eat. I had a love/hate relationship with nursing. I really disliked it at first and then I actually ended up really liking it. I'm a little sad, but feel ok about it at the same time.

38. Jayce wasn't feeling well for Janell's birthday party on June 16th. He had a slight fever and just looked awful. At dinner I noticed a little white tooth poking out on the upper left and it all made sense. Jayce beat Gabe by two months and it's funny to me because they both got the upper front teeth before the bottom.
Poor little man is popping them out quick now too because Bryan noticed the top right cut this last Monday and I see a little white one peaking on the bottom left.

39. He's been cruising for a while now and he'll stand not holding onto anything for a good amount of time. He took his first two steps for Aunt Julie on Tuesday the 21st and took four for me the next day. I was SO excited I scared the poor fellow.

40. Jayce gets really excited when daddy gets home. He smiles really big, screams, throws is head down and charges for him. He looks like a bull dog with his big paws kinda turned in. It's the cutest thing ever!

We don't need a girl, we already have our drama queen.

Celebrating Uncle Minny

Uncle Minny likes to go all out for his birthday's so we got to go to Enchanted Forest again to celebrate. We went two years ago and last year we went to OMSI because I was on moderate bed rest. OMSI doesn't have all the hills and I was able to sit, but still enjoy watching everyone have fun. It was supposed to rain that day and we were going anyway. Despite being a little cold at times it didn't rain until we were walking out and the sun even came out for a while. It was a FUN day!

Compare May 2009 and May 2011

The boys loved the slides...went down a million times and I love the picture of Julie and Jaden with their legs up and Julie is still posing. heehee

Me with my boys :)

This was neat. They had a guy dressed up as President Lincoln and the kids got to dress up too

Rides

On the log ride Gabe was sitting in front of Uncle Min and when they went down he ended up scooting forward and hitting heads with Nathan. Gabe said that he was like a pancake being squished between them. lol

Happy Birthday Uncle Minny! We love you and had SO much fun!

Family Pictures...

I LOVE photography!!!! I mean LOVE it! I spend hours looking through photography blogs. I love taking a million pictures of my boys and I love my camera. I wish I knew more about how to work it, but SOMEDAY I will. It is one of my goals/dreams to take photography classes and or start teaching myself how to be better at this. I want to learn more and someday get an even better camera. I need to just do it instead of talking about all the time. All this to say...

We had our family pictures taken the Saturday before Easter. Our friends Justin (Buddy) and Amanda met us at Red Sunset Park in Gresham. Amanda too loves photography and has been teaching herself and testing out her skills. They started a blog, Garvin Photography.
She did an AMAZING job! Especially considering that the boys were practically bouncing off the walls the whole time, Jayce pretty much refused to be set down anywhere or look at the camera the whole shoot. Gabe actually did better than expected. He knew that there was a yummy Mickey Mouse sucker waiting for him at the end. It was a little crazy. Amanda, you are amazing!

Some of my favorites:

happy mother's day.

I love being a mother and am grateful that I have been entrusted with their lives. They are teaching me patience, sacrifice and a glimpse of what the pure love of Christ is all about. I still have a whole lot to learn. I am realizing that this is not an event, this is a process! A long one. Lifelong. There is nothing harder but yet, nothing more rewarding. I love my job and am thankful for a very forgiving husband and children.

I owe so much to my own mom for the unconditional love she has given to me through out my life. She is a great example of one who always serves and would give the shirt off her back if needed. I am grateful for her acceptance and love she has for me and my children. I don't know a person who is as accepting as her.

We had a wonderful baby dedication at church where we had Jayce dedicated along with a bunch of other amazing parents and their babies.

Jayce with his buddy Raegan only 15 days apart.

I read this quote recently. It reminded me to remember that the every day things are the best things, and to treasure them up because they won't last.

"The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while [mothering]. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less."--Anna Quindlen

To my babies:

Make You Feel My Love
When the rain

Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change
Are throwing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love

Things I never want to forget #29-#34

29. Mom and I took the boys to their dr appointments and afterward we hung out with the HofAshi's. After Jayce and Audrey's naps Janell brought in the little pool full of balls and we had a ball fight. We had SO much fun and laughed a lot. Jayce thought we were all crazy.

30. On the way home on a sunny/rainy evening we saw a rainbow. Gabe said "look mommy the rainbow is reaching all the way up to God."

31. I LOVE their relationship right now
Gabe - "Look, we're holding hands"
32. Bryan was gone and I finished feeding Jayce his dinner. Left him in his chair and put on a Baby Einstein. I was getting Gabe some (late) dinner. Jayce was whining in his chair so I thought maybe he wanted to get down and play. I took him out, set him on the floor and he put his head down and sobbed. I picked him up and cradled him and he fell asleep immediately. Words can not even express how cute it was. My poor baby was SO tired. I wish that I could have snuggled him forever.

33. Jayce is purposely hunting down/chasing Gabe. He totally understands that it's a game. It's hilarious. He crawls super fast at him, then when Gabe runs past him (both of them screaming like little girls) he turns around and pursues him in the other direction.

34. Bryan was reading Gabe books tonight. Our normal bedtime routine. We read a childrens' Bible to him every night. Tonight they read about the angel appearing to the shepard's to tell them that Christ was born. Gabe started asking questions about the angel and why the shepard's were so happy. Bryan explained that Jesus was the Savior and that he came to save us so that we could live with him in Heaven and not in Hell. Then he asked "What's Hell?" Bryan tried to explain in 4 yr old terms the difference between Heaven and Hell. Gabe said "I don't want to live there" Bryan told him that the only way to live with Jesus in Heaven and with mommy and daddy was to ask Jesus into your heart, love Him and have a relationship with him. He responded saying "well I love Jesus right now" Bryan asked him if he wanted to ask Jesus into his heart and he said yes. When he realized he was going to have to pray he got embarrassed and didn't want to pray. We told him that it was ok and that when he was ready we would help him pray. This was kind of the first conversation where he showed more interest after asking questions and seemed to understand better.

Mommy/Gabey date

This was kind of a last minute decision on our part. My Uncle talked to us about going up to Seattle to the Science Center to see the Star Wars expedition. We went back and forth on this. We all wanted to go, but with where our budget has been and the gas prices we were leaning towards the not going option.
Bryan had been on a men's retreat over the weekend and had taken a long weekend. We decided that Bryan would stay home with Jayce and that Gabe and I would go, riding with everyone in the van. Make it a mommy/Gabey day date! It was a MUCH NEEDED day just the two of us. Gabe got mommy all to himself. I LOVED every minute of it!

I love this picture of Gabe...the faces he's been making lately in pictures crack me up.

This was SO much fun. I really wish that Bryan could have come. I know that he would have loved it. Gabe gets to play Lego Star Wars a little bit on weekends and so seeing all this stuff was exciting.

The Science Center was fun. The Dinosaur's were cool of course, especially after having a great Dino B-day party.
Gabe and Jaden were too cute playing in the space shuttle. When it started counting down Julie yelled, "You better sit down and hold on!" They totally thought it was going to take off.

BUGS EW EW EW I am SO NOT a bug fan. We went into the butterfly house which was a cool experience, but it was about 80 degrees in there and the beautiful butterflies flew WAY to close to me. Almost landed on me a few times and I just couldn't handle it. Julie is the same way. I'm sure it was hilarious to the other people in there watching both of us freak out.

These kids LOVE their Uncle Minny!

So many memories in Seattle. One thing that going there does is make me miss my Grandma SO much. :( Going to the fountain HUGE memory and watching Gabe go down there. He of course went straight down and into the water getting his socks, shoes and the bottom of his pants soaked.
I love the picture of Gabe and Miss A at the totem pole and the REALLY close up pic of my mom and I (apparently I forgot to zoom out).
I love that Gabe fell asleep going to dinner, a fifteen minute ride.

We finished the fun day at Rainforest Cafe for dinner and a ride home with two VERY hyper boys.

Gabe got to spend some of his birthday money. He got a cool lego Darth Maul watch (kinda random, but he loves it and we get to tell/show him what time it is) and a little case of bugs from Rainforest.

What a wonderful day with my Gabey Gabes!
Thanks Uncle Minny and Grandma for making it happen!!!